You killed her, House
by Sweetheart From Hell
Summary: Will probably be a series of angsty drabbles/short oneshots set after WH. I love reviews, y'know.... Just a hint.
1. House

Reviews are LOVE 3 Though I'm not so happy with this piece.

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_I don't want you to hate me. Please don't hate me. Please. I'm sorry, I really am. Please forgive me?_ If he had been anyone else, that's probably what he would have said when Wilson told him he couldn't stand looking at him anymore, that it was his fault that Amber was dead. That he hated him.

_I don't want you to hate me!_ House's mind screamed, but instead of saying it to Wilson, he stayed quiet. He just couldn't think of anything to say to his best friend, no, his _ex_-best friend.

When Wilson turned to leave, he tried to say something, that he was sorry, that he wished it had been him instead of Amber, but nothing came out except a half-choked "W-wilson...!" and Wilson walked out, not turning around once.

House put his head in his hands and sighed. He knew it was his fault Amber had been on that bus, he was the only one who could be blamed for her death. And it wasn't so strange that Wilson blamed him. He had made it quite clear that he chose Amber over House.

But still.... it hurt. Wilson was, no, had been, his only friend. And House had thought that Wilson cared more for him than he cared for the average colleague. But he didn't care enough. The rational part of House's brain said that Wilson was hurting much, much worse than House did right now, that he wasn't thinking clear, that Amber's death was still so close... But right now the rational part didn't matter much.

House just wanted Wilson to come back, and act normal. To go back to how things were before Amber. But he knew it wasn't possible. Wilson had meant what he said. Their friendship was over. House had killed the woman Wilson loved, and he couldn't just forgive it. But it had been his last words before he left that hurt the most:

"You killed her. I - I hate you. You _killed_ her, House."


	2. Cuddy

He leaves the spare key to House's apartment to Cuddy when he tells her he is leaving for some time, and that he never wants to see the inside of that apartment ever again. She wants to yell at him that he can't do this, first he tells House to risk his life to save Amber, and now he leaves, making it very clear who he blames for Amber's death. But a weak "Wilson... please..." is all she manages to say. He just shakes his head and blinks rapidly, as to prevent tears from falling.

Cuddy watches him walk out of her office, and wonders what's going to happen now. To Wilson... and to House. He'll obvisouly pretend he doesn't care, that it doesn't matter to him whether Wilson wants to be his friend or not, but Cuddy know he does care. In his own, screwed-up way, House loves Wilson.

She takes a deep breath and chokes back a sob before getting up to... she doesn't know. Talk to House? Run after Wilson and beg him not to leave? Just walk around the hospital to see if anything needs her attention?

She finds House outside the elevators. He looks away, trying to escape into one of the elevators, and Cuddy manages to get in just as the doors begin to close. House stares stubbornly at the floor, and she wonders what she should do.

"House..." He shrugs at the sound of his name, still refusing to look at her. "Wilson gave me the keys to your apartment." He looks up for a moment, just long enough for her to catch the hurt in his eyes.

"Give them to me", he says.

"No."

"Why?"

"The same reason Wilson kept them." He looks at her, this time with a mocking expression on his face.

"Why, you mean you want to hang out and drink beer to old movies with me?"

"No, House, I -"

"Oh right, I should've figured, a for a moment I almost thought you _liked_ me."

"House... I - I just -" The elevator reaches the ground floor and House limps out, leaving Cuddy to finish the sentence to no one. "- so I just can make sure you don't do anything really stupid..." But she knows there's nothing she really can do. She can't exactly stop by his apartment every night, checking on him. _Damn you, Wilson_, she thinks, _it wasn't his fault._

She sighs and starts walking back to her office.


	3. Wilson

It's half past four in the morning, and Wilson lies on the bed in his motel room, fully clothed, unable to sleep, unable to stand being awake. It's four weeks, two days and six hours since Amber died, since he lost the one person really mattering to him. _That's not true_, a little voice in his head says, _he matters too..._

"No!" He turns onto his stomach, propping himself up on his elbows, burying his face in his hands. He killed her... House _killed_ her, if it wasn't for him, he'd still be falling asleep next to her every night, not all alone in a miserable motel room.

His cell phone rings, and he wonders who the hell would call him at this hour. He considers not answering, but figures that whatever the late-night or early-morning caller wants, it can't make him more miserable than he already is. And talking is better than doing nothing, right? So without looking at the display to see who it is, he answers.

First he can only hear sobs and incoherent words, but he quickly realizes it's Cuddy's voice. _Oh no_, he thinks,_ this is going to be about_ -

"Wilson", Cuddy finally manages to choke out, "it's House. He - he -" Once again she breaks down completely, and can't form a full sentence for at least a minute. A lot of things goes through Wilson's mind during that time: _What's happened is he alive is he okay why does she call me I don't want to know I hate him I don't care about what happens to him I don't _want_ to care about what happens to him_ -

"He OD'd on Vicodin. Together with a bottle of Scotch." Cuddy seems to have pulled herself together a little. Wilson is just silent. "He - he's not stable, I don't know - I - I -" A new fit of sobs, "- I don't know if he's going to make it. And when he's awake, the only thing he says is -" Wilson puts his hand over his eyes. He doesn't want to hear this, he doesn't want to know what House says, he doesn't want to care...

"Cuddy. Stop. I don't want to hear. Please." Cuddy starts sobbing uncontrollably once again. Wilson wonders if he should just hang up and ignore it, but somehow, he can't.

"Wilson! He needs you here, I think - I think that this -"

"Stop!" Wilson shouts into the phone. This is the last thing he needs to hear. "House doesn't _need_ anyone."

"He needs you!" Now she's yelling. "How can you do this?" She lowers her voice again, pulls herself together. "It wasn't his fault! He may be an ass, but he - he doesn't deserve this."

"Deserves what? He - he _killed_ Amber!"

"No! He didn't! Please, Wilson, come back here. Please..." He can't stand the conversation anymore.

"No." He hangs up. He was wrong. This call had actaully made him feel even more miserable. How many times he ever chants to himself that everything is House's fault, that never wants to see the man again, that he doesn't care for him anymore, it isn't true. He does care.

He drops the phone next to him on the bed, and buries his face in the pillow. Everything's just going wrong. Everything _is_ wrong. And he doesn't know any way to make it right again.


	4. House & Wilson

**This turned out to be very short, and I jump back in time in this and the next chapter. It's set during the season 4 finale. But guess you can figure out that much on your own :p I love reviews!!**

"You think I should risk my life to save Amber's?" _You choose her over me?_ Wilson nods. Reluctantly, but it doesn't seem to be a hard decision.

To House, this is the worst betrayal in their friendship. Wilson is actually willing to risk House's life for someone else. Isn't fifteen years of friendship worth more to him?

But of course House will go through with the Deep Brain Stimulation now, when he knows Wilson wants him to. _I could die_... he thinks. _But if it saves Amber, Wilson thinks it's worth it. And then it is._ Of course he'll do it now.

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"You think I should risk my life to save Amber's?" A million thoughts runs through Wilson's head. Amber will definitely die if House can't figure out what's wrong with her, and House might - no, he _will_ - survive. He always does.

Wilson nods slowly. House can't die, right? And this will save Amber, he knows it, it has to! He fingers the little box in his pocket. She has to survive, she can't die, not now! He pictures the two plain gold rings in his head and imagines how one of them will look on Amber's finger. He nods again. House just has to do this and he'll be able to fix her. It's worth it. Definitely. Because House won't die. And neither will Amber. Not now. Not ever. Right?


	5. Cuddy again

**I'm so sorry it took so long before I updated!!!! I hope you can forgive me... and I also have no idea at all where this story is going. I mean, obviously I've jumped back in time those last two chapters, but then, I don't know. Any ideas are very welcome!! And reviews are love!  
**

She sits at his bed, holding his hand, thinking about the past few days. She's tried to talk to Wilson, but it only ended with her yelling at him that House could have died, and him yelling back that his girlfriend is dead thanks to House. So now she just sits at House's bed, waiting for him to wake up.

She wonders what House was thinking when he agreed to the Deep Brain Stimulation... what Wilson was thinking when he pretty much told House do go through with it... what Amber was thinking, going to pick up House at that bar, and then following him to the bus.

At first, she thought she understood what Wilson felt, but now she's not so sure anymore. Of course he is sad and upset because of Amber, but House did do everything, _everything_, in his power to save her... and Wilson still only blames him. Refuses to see him.

She is so angry, so worried, so... she doesn't know. At first, she thought House was crazy when he was so desperate to figure out what symptom he had seen on the bus. Then, when they realized it actually was Amber, she wondered what the hell was going to happen then. Then, when he decided he was going through with the DBS, she just wanted to cry. She didn't even try to stop him, knowing House would do anything to solve the puzzle... and more, when the only person he really cares about, will lose his girlfriend if he fails.

She knows that House would do absolutely anything for Wilson. And until now, Wilson has always put House before his girlfriends, hell, even before his wifes sometimes. And now, he says he won't look at his best friend anymore.

House stirs in the bed and opens his eyes. In a second, she's standing and hurries closer to him.

"Hey, I'm here... blink if you can hear me." She lets out a sigh of relief. He's awake.


End file.
